The tightness in my chest starts early and stays late … What’s next on the list? What am I forgetting? How many birthdays did I miss this week? Do my friends still know I care about them? Does my staff feel supported at work? Was I too short with that comment? Does my husband feel appreciated? Am I still an artist? Did I drink any water today? Am I making my milk supply disappear? Is the baby eating enough? Does missing naps cause brain damage???
At any given moment, I am fighting a battle in my head to stay calm and grateful, keeping things in perspective while the guilt spiral tugs at me, threatening to pull me under. “I’m not at work enough, I’m not at home enough…”
At the core of this is the feeling that I am not enough.
I recently sent (a belated) birthday message to a friend saying that I think she’s an amazing mama and I admire the way she takes care of her 3 babies, teaches and keeps it all together with a sense of humor. 🙂 She wrote back that it was “nice to see me through your eyes!” but she wasn’t really sure how together things really were.
Today I’m looking at myself through friendly eyes. Those eyes don’t care that my house is a mess. They don’t care that I haven’t made an actual meal at home in months. They see a beautiful baby, happy family and passionate, driven mama, who also likes to sit on the couch and eat salted-caramel gelato at 8am while watching The Blacklist. 😉
Hugs to anyone else who may be in a swirl of their own! Know that no matter how your life looks from the outside or inside, you’re enough and so am I.